I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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