who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think my vagina is haunted
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
