i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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