I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
