Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
