Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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