I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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