There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
