I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize