dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
