there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
