Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
