she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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