today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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