Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
