Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I want is dick and wine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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