Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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