Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
