I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize