He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Come on in and take your pants off
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