I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
