What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
