I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
