I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
