4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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