New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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