Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
