You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
