i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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