I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
