I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He did a backflip because drugs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
