So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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