that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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