somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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