if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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