dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
