my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize