saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
