I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
