Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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