someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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