Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
