i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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