you would pick up someone in the library
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
