I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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