i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
