Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
