So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's never too late to be topless.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
