You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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