batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize