I'm drive I can fine osifer
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
