My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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