haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
