Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
