Farmville is her only friend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
