I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
