Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
