So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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