We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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