God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
