you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
