Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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