We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
