Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize