whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
