By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
