she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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